Hands down, my most embarrassing moment.
So I have this friend, Kathryn. And when she calls me, sometimes she’ll call and pretend to be with the FBI or the police or the school newspaper. Without so much as a “hey how are you?” she’ll launch into “This is Ms. Clevins with the local police force, we’re investigating a case of public nudity and we’d like to ask you a few questions” or something like that. And I love her to death. So I play along. It’s quite entertaining. Which is why I wasn’t surprised when my mom handed me the phone and I said “hello?” and Kathryn was like, “Hi, I’m with the school yearbook and we’re doing a spread on foreign language classes. Can I ask you a couple questions?” And I thought, Well played, well played. Nice touch with the yearbook lingo. And for the next ten minutes she asked questions and I answered with the weirdest, funniest, and flat-out dirtiest things I could. And this is as good a time as any to tell you that it really wasn’t Kathryn. It was really a girl from the yearbook staff.
But it sounded SO MUCH like Kathryn that the possibility didn’t even occur to me. When she asked, “So what’s your favorite French word?” I responded immediately, “Merde. It means shit.” When she asked, “What’s your favorite part of French class?” I answered, “There is this sa-mokin’ hot guy that sits across from me. I ogle him all freaking day. Wouldn’t you?” (She laughed awkwardly. But I still didn’t have a clue, and I was relentless.) She asked me, “Would you like to visit France some day?” and I said, “Well yeah, of course” and she asked why and I said, “The age of consent is fifteen!” (I wish I was making this up.) She asked, “So do you have a good time in French class?” and I said, “I’ll show you a good time!” (At one point I said, “Okay, Kathy, let’s stop this,” and she was like, “Um… okay,” and kept asking, so I figured, no way am I going to cave first. Watch out, Kathryn, I’ve got more.) Finally she said, “Okay, I think that’s it,” and I said sarcastically, “So what’s your name anyway?” and she said, “Um, Lauren,” and I was like, “Yeah RIGHT Lauren!” and I hung up the phone.
Then I checked the caller ID and I just thought to myself, Oh. Oh damn. Oh DAMN! I immediately called her back and explained and apologized up and down but I was so freaked it probably came out incoherent. I was still half-convinced it had been Kathryn calling from someone else’s phone. That’s how sure I was. When I called to tell the real Kathryn “THIS IS THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING I’VE EVER DONE AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT,” she was confused. But then I explained. And she laughed her freaking butt off.
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Tags: French, I'm with stupid, idiocy at its finest
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