Hands down, my most embarrassing moment.

22Feb10

So I have this friend, Kathryn. And when she calls me, sometimes she’ll call and pretend to be with the FBI or the police or the school newspaper. Without so much as a “hey how are you?” she’ll launch into “This is Ms. Clevins with the local police force, we’re investigating a case of public nudity and we’d like to ask you a few questions” or something like that. And I love her to death. So I play along. It’s quite entertaining. Which is why I wasn’t surprised when my mom handed me the phone and I said “hello?” and Kathryn was like, “Hi, I’m with the school yearbook and we’re doing a spread on foreign language classes. Can I ask you a couple questions?” And I thought, Well played, well played. Nice touch with the yearbook lingo. And for the next ten minutes she asked questions and I answered with the weirdest, funniest, and flat-out dirtiest things I could. And this is as good a time as any to tell you that it really wasn’t Kathryn. It was really a girl from the yearbook staff.

But it sounded SO MUCH like Kathryn that the possibility didn’t even occur to me. When she asked, “So what’s your favorite French word?” I responded immediately, “Merde. It means shit.” When she asked, “What’s your favorite part of French class?” I answered, “There is this sa-mokin’ hot guy that sits across from me. I ogle him all freaking day. Wouldn’t you?” (She laughed awkwardly. But I still didn’t have a clue, and I was relentless.) She asked me, “Would you like to visit France some day?” and I said, “Well yeah, of course” and she asked why and I said, “The age of consent is fifteen!” (I wish I was making this up.) She asked, “So do you have a good time in French class?” and I said, “I’ll show you a good time!” (At one point I said, “Okay, Kathy, let’s stop this,” and she was like, “Um… okay,” and kept asking, so I figured, no way am I going to cave first. Watch out, Kathryn, I’ve got more.) Finally she said, “Okay, I think that’s it,” and I said sarcastically, “So what’s your name anyway?” and she said, “Um, Lauren,” and I was like, “Yeah RIGHT Lauren!” and I hung up the phone.

Then I checked the caller ID and I just thought to myself, Oh. Oh damn. Oh DAMN! I immediately called her back and explained and apologized up and down but I was so freaked it probably came out incoherent. I was still half-convinced it had been Kathryn calling from someone else’s phone. That’s how sure I was. When I called to tell the real Kathryn “THIS IS THE MOST EMBARRASSING THING I’VE EVER DONE AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT,” she was confused. But then I explained. And she laughed her freaking butt off.

Filed under: Face Palm, Well That's Embarrassing   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: French, I'm with stupid, idiocy at its finest

The drivers in my town just felt a little chill of foreboding.

22Feb10

What started out as a disaster of epic proportions eventually blossomed into a pretty sweet day. I’ll give you the Sparknotes version though.

Took my road test on Saturday (finally). Testing lady scared the bejesus out of me. Forgot some paperwork. Got chewed out by said freaky lady. Absolutely failed the parking portion of the test. Those cones went down faster than a gathering of Thai hookers. Made up for my parking incompetence in the driving portion. Probably speeded (sped? speeded?) too much but she passed me anyway.

I am officially a licensed driver. I played Mario Kart for a solid four hours the night before. I think that qualifies as adequate preparation.

Filed under: Driving, It Was a Good Day, Mario Kart   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: SUCCESS!

Procrastination is a homewrecker

21Feb10

I’m here to tell you all that procrastination and I have a secret love affair. That’s right, I can no longer live a lie. Sometimes I go back to my primary other half, productivity, but it’s more out of convenience than anything. And there’s the kids. I have to think of the kids. But usually under the guise of “going on a business trip” I leave and have intimate relations with procrastination. He’s really quite the sensual lover. I should make this Facebook official.

So we’ve established that I can procrastinate like a champion. My Lang homework is rotting in some distant corner of my room while I alternately blog and play Super Smash Bros Melee. But the problem here is that everyone’s Facebook statuses have changed to some variation of “well, I think I’ll get started on that Lang homework.” Seriously. I just counted six… no, seven. Yes, seven have gone to the dark side. Or the light side. Whichever side it is, about half my class has gone to it. I had this sudden mental image of everybody sitting in a circle at some kind of rave/study party, getting their Lang work done in style, eating pizza and balancing cans of Mountain Dew on their textbooks, snickering and saying, “Let’s all change our statuses and make everyone else feel totally inadequate! Thank God we didn’t invite Evie. She’s probably procrastinating like a beast, thinking those annotations are just going to write themselves.”

And here I am, yelling at Bowser, Marth and Ganondorf like a crazy person, going, “Up B… up B… up B… LAND MINE!… no! NO! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS CRAP!” I probably should get started.

Filed under: Lang, Super Smash   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: hypothetical adultery, land mines suck, procrastination FTW